In his 88th year, passed away suddenly yet peacefully at the Toronto Western Hospital, on Wednesday, January 27, 2016. Beloved husband of Esther Takeko Murata, with whom he would have celebrated their 60th anniversary this April. Father to David Nobu-tsune, Mary Madoka, E. H. Erika and Paul Hiro-tsune. Grandfather to Lucian, William and Saya.
He was born in Kagoshima, Japan, graduated from the 7th National Collegiate Institute and the University of Tokyo and, as a Fulbright Scholar, he graduated from the Emmanuel College, University of Toronto. As an ordained Minister with The United Church of Christ in Japan, The United Church of Canada and The Presbyterian Church (USA), he served as a Missionary from Japan to the Japanese speaking people in Vancouver, Lethbridge, Toronto and Philadelphia.
He was also a former Chancellor of the Fukuoka Jo-Gakuin, Japan. Family cremation has taken place at St. James Crematorium, Toronto, on January 30, 2016. Memorial service will be held in the sanctuary of the Metropolitan United Church, 56 Queen St. E., Toronto, on Saturday, February 6th at 6 p.m. For free parking at the church, please inform the attendant that you are attending the memorial service.
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Whether you want to make arrangements for your own or a loved one’s cremation in advance, or whether you urgently need to arrange for a cremation, there are important things to take into account.. When searching for cremation services Toronto, you will need to consider the wishes of the person who is to be cremated, your own wishes as executor and/or representative of the larger group of family members and mourners, and budgetary concerns, among other criteria. It can seem like an overwhelming task, but a trusted and knowledgeable source of advice does exist: Affordable Burials and Cremations. We are your local Toronto cremation provider, and our experienced and caring staff can help you navigate this difficult time as comfortably as possible.
Finding the Right Cremation and Burial Services Providers
While it is possible to pay for a funeral and cremation in advance, taking the guesswork out of final arrangements, we often do not have the foresight or ability to do so. More often than not, a death has just occurred, and there is heartache and shock as well as many details to take care of. Consulting with a professionally licensed funeral director can be very helpful in terms of giving you all the procedural information and details you need to make easier choices about honouring your loved one. In fact, this is the first step in arranging a cremation in the GTA: deciding on which funeral company will help you.
There are dozens of funeral homes in the Toronto area, all of whom can help you obtain the death certificate and other paperwork, and guide you through the funeral process. It may be difficult to decide on a funeral home. Here are some things to consider:
–Location: most people opt for a local funeral home, or one that is easily accessed by public transit or highways so mourners can easily pay their respects.
–Recommendations: some people ask friends, relatives, or medical/health professionals for a recommendation of a good Toronto funeral home.
–Budget: the price of cremation and a service in the GTA can vary widely, so you will want to get some quotes. If you need an affordable cremation or burial, Affordable Burials and Cremations can meet your needs at about half the cost of what a traditional funeral home would charge. We do this by offering a variety of packages tailored to your specific needs and situation. These simple services take the guesswork and complication out of making funeral decisions.
Arranging a Cremation: Steps to Take
When you have selected a funeral provider that can facilitate your loved one’s cremation, here are some things to consider before finalizing the arrangements:
- Will you want to witness the cremation, or not?
- Will you want to have a service with an officiant? If so, do you have information about the deceased prepared that will help the officiant deliver a relevant, meaningful service?
- Do you want to bury the remains in an urn, or will you take the remains home?
- Will you hold a memorial service and ash-scattering or keep the remains in your home?
- If you plan to scatter the ashes, where will you do so? In Toronto, you are permitted to scatter remains on any unoccupied Crown lands without a permit, but in a public place, a permit may be necessary (or permission from the owner, in the case of privately owned lands)
- Will you opt for a casket or an alternative container?
- Will you need to purchase an urn or do you already have a suitable container?
Answering these questions will help you better prepare for a cremation in Toronto.
In this installment of our affordable cremation services Toronto tips, we want to help you with what to say when someone passes away.
There are few situations in which people find themselves as tongue-tied as when they are trying to figure out what to say when someone has passes away. Obviously the right thing to do is to offer condolences to the loved ones who are left behind – but what exactly can one say to the bereaved, that won’t come out sounding stilted or condescending, or even hurtful? Despite having the best of intentions, many people feel so stymied that they try to avoid the issue by not saying anything at all.
True, you can show your love and support for a grieving friend by doing something concrete yet non-verbal, like giving them a hug or offering to bring food; but eventually, you will need to offer some words of consolation.
Speak from the Heart
If you really can’t imagine what someone is going through – if they are suffering the horrible loss of a child, for example, and you’re not a parent – it’s okay to say “I can’t imagine the grief you must be feeling right now. I’m here if you want to talk about it”. Everyone deals with grief differently, but you really can’t go wrong with honest words that show your support, because the listeners will see your feelings on your face even if the words aren’t perfect.
Common expressions of sympathy you might have heard all your life are still appropriate today, and include:
- Please accept my condolences
- You are in my prayers
- We are thinking of you during this difficult time
Some people express their thoughts and feelings more eloquently in writing than they do in person; you may wish to leave a longer written message of condolence when signing the guest book. If you think of anything that you didn’t say and wish you had said, you can express this in an online guest book (if there is one), email the family, or send a sympathy card with your message inside.
Don’t be Afraid to talk about the Deceased Person
Some people think that any reference to the person who has passed away is bound to bring up painful memories. However, the grieving family and friends are already thinking of littlesave the deceased, so it’s not as though you will be re-opening a painful subject; the fact that you, too, are thinking fondly of their loved one, and recalling what they used to do or like, will actually be a comfort to most people. The same is true when time passes and certain holidays or anniversaries present themselves; the loved ones haven’t forgotten, so why should you? You can show your support by dropping the family a line such as “Today would have been Gary’s 60th. I have been thinking of you. How are you doing?” Sometimes a deceased person’s Facebook page may still be active, and you can post a loving message there.
What to Avoid Saying when Someone Passes Away
There are a few phrases to avoid saying when someone dies, that can be ineffectual or even do more harm than good.
“Your loved one is in a better place.” After a long illness, it may be true that the deceased’s suffering has come to an end, but you should let the family decide whether they are truly better off or not.
“I know just how you feel.” You may think you do, but you can’t be inside someone’s head and heart. If you have experienced a similar loss, stick with expressing that, and sharing your feelings, rather than making assumptions.
“Let me know if you need anything.” Most people, whether out of politeness or exhaustion, won’t contact you with specific requests – so make a specific offer, such as babysitting the kids so they can attend to the funeral arrangements, or bringing food to help tide the family over. That way, you can be genuinely helpful in a way that the grieving person will find much easier to accept.
When dealing with grief, there is no one right way, and in fact, no one has the right to tell you how you ought to grieve when you have suffered the loss of a loved one. It’s natural to grieve the death of someone you loved and cared about, but people grieve in different ways and at different times. We all know someone who has suffered great losses in life, but seems to keep their grief so deeply buried they seem to not be affected at all; equally, we have friends and family members who are devastated years after their loved ones have died, who may show strong emotions, shed tears and talk about the deceased person as if they had passed away only recently. Here we will explore some common experiences of grief, and how to cope with grief as a part of life.
The Stages of Grief
Some people worry that if they are feeling too distressed by the loss of a loved one, they should seek professional counselling. It’s true that professional help can be very effective in helping you navigate confusing and overwhelming emotions that are interfering with daily activities, but it’s also important to realize that grief is not a disease. We can pathologize grief instead of letting it run its natural course. And grief is natural – so natural, in fact, that a grieving person often passes through well-recognized stages before healing from a loss.
The stages of grief may not be experienced in a linear fashion – one might go back and forth between them, or skip some altogether – but are generally recognized to be:
- Denial: This isn’t happening.
- Anger: This shouldn’t be happening. Who is to blame?
- Bargaining: Just bring back my loved one, and I will do xxxxx.
- Depression: I can’t face what is happening.
- Acceptance: I accept what has happened.
Some people do resolve their grief without recognizably moving through these stages, because as individuals, we all have individual experiences of grief and how we deal with grief. As time passes, even someone who feels guilty for moving on with life will experience their grief lessening in intensity; however, grief can return at a moment’s notice, often during times of togetherness like holidays or family gatherings, when once again we sharply feel the absence of that special person.
How to Cope with Grief
Remember that the more significant your loss, the more intense your brief will usually be. That’s why losing a job, a friendship or a home are typically lower on the grieving scale than losing a loved one, which is a permanent, irreplaceable loss. Here are some common ways to cope with, and move through, the experience of grieving:
-Feel your pain. Welcoming your pain, instead of trying to be strong and stoic, may lessen your grief in the long run.
-Don’t judge yourself. Not everybody cries; there are many responses to sadness, and beating yourself up about not showing ‘the right kind’ of grief doesn’t let your true feelings surface in their own good time, which they surely will if you let them come.
-Get support. Don’t grieve alone; find an understanding person or people to share your grief with, whether it’s family members, friends, congregation, clergy, support groups or professionals.
-Take care of yourself. You may feel guilty doing anything for yourself when your loved one is not there to enjoy it with you, but you are important and deserve to live your life. This is the time to keep a journal (if you don’t already) where you can pour out your deepest thoughts, feelings and emotions; it’s a simple and very effective way to practice self-care and stave off loneliness during this difficult time.